


What Do You Want?

by charlietango



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Castiel Deserves to be Happy (Supernatural), Castiel Deserves to be Loved (Supernatural), Castiel/Dean Winchester First Kiss, Conversations in the Impala (Supernatural), Dean Reciprocates, Dean Winchester Confesses Feelings for Castiel, Dean Winchester Deserves to be Happy, Dean Winchester Talks About Feelings, Dry Humping, Episode Fix-It: s15e20 Carry On, First Kiss, Fix-It, Heaven, Heaven (supernatural), M/M, Making Out, Making Out in the Impala (Supernatural), Post-Canon Fix-It, Post-Episode: s15e20 Carry On, Post-Finale, altho not fully stated I just want to let you know Dean is bi, and Dean is his world so, because y yo a ti is emblazoned on my soul, cas deserves the world, mention of the Spanish dub, wow thats a tag ahaha
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-20
Updated: 2020-12-20
Packaged: 2021-03-10 19:08:45
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 3,212
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28182171
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/charlietango/pseuds/charlietango
Summary: Dean needs some answers from Castiel. Castiel tells Dean what he wants.
Relationships: Castiel/Dean Winchester
Comments: 10
Kudos: 184





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> YUP another one of those post-series heaven fics. I didn’t do my research on how heaven works in spn at the moment, so if it’s inaccurate I apologize! (It’s also been 6 years since I watched the show, so if they sound ooc that’s why lol.) I initially wrote this with just the parked car scene, but I realized Cas needs to hear Dean say it back. HE DESERVES IT. And Dean deserves to speak!! No one can silence him! This is what fic is for!
> 
> Anyway, I’m sure there are dozens of these by now. BUT we all have our stories to tell. Here’s mine. 
> 
> P.S. I might add more to this later, but I like where it ends for now.

“Any of those heavens you built have the Grand Canyon in ‘em?”

“Several. Why?”

“Get in.”

Cas gives Dean some directions and the Impala takes off. It’s going to be a long ride.

Perfect. They have a lot to discuss.

Dean feels the tension in the car. He figures Cas thinks he’s mad at him. At the moment, he doesn’t care. Maybe he is a little mad that Cas dumped the most beautiful love confession he’d ever heard onto him just to die immediately afterwards. Dean didn’t have the time to think about let alone _respond_ to any of it. It hardly seemed fair. To top it all off, Cas had also been avoiding Dean. Or, at least, it seemed that way.

Dean had barely seen the angel since he died, which he thought was weird. As soon as Dean learned that Cas was in heaven, he’d fully expected a reunion. The first thing Cas had always done when he was revived was come to see Dean, if he could. When Jack saved him, Cas definitely could have come to say “Hello, Dean” once again. He should have. They’d hardly spoken at all, in fact. Whether Cas really was too busy with Jack or was actively avoiding Dean, he hadn’t said more than a “hello” or two. He’d avoided spending too much time with Dean, making up an excuse about an assignment or something when it was obvious Dean was about to bring up the pre-Empty conversation.

Eventually, Dean couldn’t take it anymore. He figured Cas wouldn’t just fly away in the middle of a ride (although he could if he wanted to), so he planned this trip for the two of them. They needed some time alone to talk, away from everyone else up here. Dean needed answers if he was going to exist peacefully in heaven. He couldn’t fully appreciate all it had to offer with these questions weighing so heavily on his mind.

The question that plagued Dean first and foremost was what kind of “love” Cas had been referring to in his speech.

English is a finicky language, with so much room for interpretation inherent in certain phrases and words. There aren’t separate words for familial and romantic love like there are in, say, Spanish. Yet, Dean had recognized that what Cas felt was stronger than a family bond. It had to be. Despite that, he was still unsure about how Castiel’s feelings as a celestial being worked. Dean really needs to hear Cas explain it, he’d spent enough time speculating.

He inhales sharply, steeling himself. No point prolonging this. For confidence, he tightens his grip on the steering wheel.

“You said…you said you love me,” Dean starts. He’s still kind of in disbelief, so it comes out almost as a question.

“I did say that,” Cas says, matter-of-factly. Some of the tension alleviates now that they’ve both spoken. Dean takes that as his cue to keep this conversation going.

“Can I ask you something?”

“Of course.”

“How?”

“I’m sorry?”

“How do you…love me?” He still has a hard time saying the word. He focuses hard on the road ahead of them. “How does it work for angels?”

He prepares to hear something like all angels love humanity, they’re supposed to, or even a throwaway “it’s beyond your comprehension.” But that’s not what Cas gives him.

“Dean, my love for you is the most human thing about me.”

Oh.

Well, then.

Huh.

Cas keeps going.

“Other angels have called it a weakness. They used it against me so many times, you know. You were there for some of them. The fact that I cared about humans is what made me different, but it was my love for you that made me unique. Made me _me_. Dean, I might never fully grasp what it means to be human, I know that. But the more I was around you, the more I began to understand. I could spend all of eternity going over books and poems, watching romantic comedies and listening to love songs, but the purest expression of love I’ll ever find is in you. So, in the most human capacity, I lo-”

“Cas, wait.”

No, he can’t have Cas say it again without saying it back. It’s the least he deserves.

“You got to confess once. Now it’s my turn.”

Dean had spent a lot of time replaying what last happened between them in his head. Thinking about the words, about his feelings. He knew what he should have said, what he couldn’t possibly have said in the moment.

Of course he loved Castiel. Of course. How could he not? All they’d been through, all they’d done for each other. Their stories simply didn’t make sense otherwise.

He had thought briefly about what that meant for who he was, how he saw himself. Well, Dean realized that here, none of that really mattered. He had no one to impress, no one to disappoint. Nothing to worry about, truly. One of the perks of this place, he assumed. None of society’s expectations go to heaven.

Dean realizes he’s been quiet, thinking things over once again. Cas -wonderful, wonderful Cas - lets him. Dean’s never been quite so good at expressing himself, and Castiel knows that. After Cas’ confession, Dean finally saw that the angel understands him (better than he understands himself, most likely). He feels a wave of affection flow through him at that. Dean lets the feeling push the words out of him.

He means to say more, he swears he does, but he knows he has time to later. To start, all he can say is the truth.

“I love you too, Cas.”

Dean is sure Cas reacts, but he can’t bring himself to look away from the road.

“That’s good.” He hears the smile in Cas’ voice.

“Well? Aren’t you mad at me for not saying it back then?” Dean knows he’s projecting, but maybe Cas is as disappointed as he is with himself that it took him this long. He looks over and sees Cas full-on beaming at him.

“No,” he says.

“Really?”

“Dean, you know I could never stay mad at you. And…I wasn’t expecting you to respond. I wasn’t even expecting Jack to save me. I thought that was going to be the end for me. I knew it was a lot to put on you, and I understand how overwhelming it was, but I needed to say it before I died. I didn’t need to hear it then.”

Cas understands. How does he understand?

“It’s nice to hear it now, though,” Cas continues. “More than nice.”

“Well, it’s true, so get used to it.” Still a little rough around the edges. He hears Cas chuckle. That’s nice to hear, too.

They sit in silence for a while, Dean just enjoying being in the Impala with Cas, being next to him, being in his presence. It’s nice. A pure feeling of comfort covers them like a warm blanket for the rest of the ride. Once they reach their destination, Dean has another question to ask.

Dean is better at _showing_ how he feels than he is at saying it, so he hopes this next subject will let him do that.


	2. Chapter 2

Dean parks the car overlooking the North Rim of this heaven’s Grand Canyon. He sits back in the driver’s seat for a moment, sighing. He looks out over the vast expanse of rock and river. He takes a moment to marvel at the deep reds and oranges of the stone, the river glinting in the distance. The scrub brushes and juniper trees on the lip of the canyon sway in a slight breeze. The chill in the air through the Impala’s open windows gives Dean the impression that the person this section of heaven was crafted for had an affinity for spring. Cas had done that crafting, he realizes. It’s awesome, in the old meaning of the word. Awe-inspiring. He’s still looking out when he begins talking.

“You said that the one thing you want, you know you can’t have.” Out of the corner of his eye he sees Cas tense up. There goes the comfortable atmosphere they’d achieved during the drive. But he needs answers, so he continues. “What did you mean?”

“What?”

Dean breathes deeply before asking again, differently and directly. “What do you want?”

Dean looks over at Cas and sees him deep in thought, brow furrowed slightly, searching for the words out over the granite and sandstone. Dean allows him to think it over, returning the patience Cas had showed him. He settles back in his seat and into the silence. He wouldn’t call it peaceful, exactly, but it’s calm. No villain is knocking on their door, they’re not about to save the world, they’re just here. In the Impala, at one of the Grand Canyons in heaven. There’s ample time to really choose words carefully.

Despite the time Dean gives Cas, he still hears the hesitation in Cas’ voice when he finally speaks.

“On Earth, I wanted to…be with you. Spend time with you. I wanted to go wherever you went. I wanted to be there when you- when you died, but now…”

“Now we’re here,” Dean finishes for him.

Silence. Dean can practically feel the unspoken words. Seems like it’s Cas’ turn to be bad at expressing his feelings. He turns to face Cas, one hand slung over the steering wheel and the other in between them.

“Is that all?” He tried to keep his tone encouraging, but by the closed-off look on Cas’ face, he knows it sounded more like this was an interrogation. He doesn’t want to scare the words out of Cas. He softens his voice, lets the desperation in the questions dissipate, and tries again. “Just to spend time with me?”

He knows it’s not. He can feel it. He just needs Cas to say so, to validate what he’s known for a long time. Cas starts fidgeting, one hand grabbing at the seat leather between them, looking anywhere but at Dean.

“Dean, I-”

“Cas,” Dean cuts him off, sensing Cas’ incoming deflection. “We have eternity. There’s no point not telling me the whole truth.” He pauses for a moment before adding, “You deserve everything you want.”

Cas’ eyes go wide at the last sentence, his hand stills, but he’s still avoiding eye contact. That won’t do. Dean stares hard, directly at the side of the angel’s face.

“Look at me.”

Cas finally meets his eyes, like they’ve done a thousand times. But Dean sees a new expression on Cas’ face, and feels his heart sink. How nervous Cas is definitely takes center stage, but it’s the faint hint of fear that strikes Dean. After all this time, after hearing Dean say he loves him too, Cas was still afraid of…what?

Afraid of saying what he truly wants for once in his existence?

He shouldn’t be. After all Cas has done for the world, for humanity, for _him_ , the angel deserves to be selfish. He deserves happiness, however it looks. Dean searches for answers in Cas’ face while he thinks about all of this.

Wait. He brought Cas all the way out here to _ask_ for those answers, not to just stare at him. It’s time to talk about it, and Dean won’t let Cas make any excuses this time.

Dean scoots a bit closer. He doesn’t want to go in too strong, so he moves his hand until his fingers are touching Cas, just barely. Cas doesn’t pull his hand away. The nervousness stays, but Dean sees the fear melt off Cas’ face and he knows the slight gesture worked. Good. He has to reassure Cas that he’s not going anywhere.

“I’m right here,” he says. “We’re spending time together. You must want something else, too.”

Without breaking eye contact, he feels Cas’ fingers cover his. It’s still far too light of a touch for the gravity of the conversation they’re having. Cas stares at him for a moment longer. It feels like hours before he speaks. Maybe it is, who knows how time works in heaven.

Finally, Cas says, “I want you to kiss me.”

He says it like it’s the simplest truth in the universe. And, really, it is. It still hits Dean like a truck.

Cas continues. “I have for a long time. I knew you never would, so…” He trails off, looking away again.

Now that he knows for sure what he’s suspected is true, Dean’s confidence rises. He gets even closer to Cas. He can hear him breathing, can just barely feel Cas’ breath on his face. He looks down at their hands for a moment, then back up at this idiot angel in front of him. Dean threads his fingers through Cas’. It feels right. He takes his other hand and turns Cas’ face back towards his. Cas looks surprised, almost confused, at the touch.

“How could you know that if you never asked?”

That stops Cas in his tracks, surprise totally taking over his face. Dean can see Cas hadn’t ever considered asking. For all the speeches, the subtle declarations, the _staring_ , Cas had never actually asked him this simple question.

Cas leans towards Dean just a bit more.

“Will you kiss me?” Cas’ voice is barely above a whisper.

Dean leans in further, taking his hand off Cas’ cheek. “Yes.”

Cas smiles, content. It’s the softest smile Dean had ever seen on him. It fits his face perfectly.

“Tell me again,” Dean says through his own smile. “What do you want, Cas?”

“I want you to kiss me.”

Dean’s ready this time. “Okay.”

He leans in, devastatingly slow. He stops for a moment when their foreheads touch. Dean licks his lips, and he can definitely feel Cas breathing now.

He closes the distance between them. It starts as the slightest brush of lips, Dean gently applying pressure and Cas pushing back. Then Cas tilts his head and parts his mouth.

Dean immediately responds by running his tongue over Cas’ bottom lip. Cas grabs his jacket collar and pulls him in closer, responding with his own tongue in Dean’s mouth. Cas tastes ethereal. He is an angel, after all.

Dean absolutely loves it.

They kiss like they’re trying to make up for lost time (and in a way, Dean realizes, they are). But knowing they have time means they aren’t rushing this. It’s slow, deliberate, and goes on for a long, long while. It fills Dean with warmth. He feels calm, serene.

At peace.

He finally pulls away, keeping their foreheads together. He looks at Cas, appreciating the blush on his cheeks. In that split second Dean decides he’s willing to do more, he just has to make sure Cas is.

So, he asks him. “What else?”


	3. Chapter 3

Cas, eyes still closed, out of breath, repeats, “What else?”

“Tell me what else you want.”

The blush darkens as Cas pulls back to look at Dean. Dean expects him to be flustered, but when Cas opens his eyes they focus on Dean with passionate determination. The intensity of the gaze is familiar, but the full extent of the intent behind it is all new. The look stirs something inside Dean.

“I want to touch you, Dean.”

Dean swallows hard. “Yeah?”

“Yes. I want you to…come closer,” Cas says as he sits back in the passenger seat. He runs his hands down his thighs and Dean doesn’t need any more invitation than that.

Dean throws a leg over Cas and sits in his lap. Cas keeps the intense stare on Dean’s face, but Dean can tell he’s not sure what to do with his hands, still probably a little nervous. Dean lightly grips Cas’ wrists, putting his hands first on his knees then slowly dragging them upwards over his thighs and pushing them back down. When Cas gets the idea, Dean moves his hands to hold each side of Cas’ face. It’s all so gentle but so intense. It’s, to be incredibly cliché, too much and not nearly enough. He kisses Cas again with much more purpose this time.

Cas’ hands gain confidence as they move from Dean’s thighs to his sides, his back, his arms. He feels Cas squeeze a bicep and hum appreciatively against his mouth. It’s Dean’s turn to make an appreciative noise when Cas’ hands reach his chest. The brush of Cas’ fingers against his nipples, even through his shirt, is a _lot_. He grabs the hair on the back of Cas’ neck and grinds his hips down, just slightly, but enough to guarantee a reaction. Cas breaks the kiss to let a stuttering sound tumble from his mouth. He moves his hands back to Dean’s thighs and holds on.

“I want you to do that again.”

Dean enthusiastically complies. He grinds down again, and the sound Cas makes compels Dean to lean back so he can watch the intricacies of Cas’ response. The pure adoration in Cas’ face takes Dean aback. He doesn’t think anyone has ever looked at him like that. He should be rewarded for it. Dean goes back in to kiss him, hands fisted in the lapels of Cas’ trench coat.

Dean’s hips gradually get faster as the kiss deepens. The grip Cas has on his thighs is, dare he say it, heavenly.

Eventually, the movement of their hips is all Dean can focus on and he has to take his tongue out of Cas’ mouth. They’re both panting and Dean keeps moving, grabbing the seat behind Cas with both hands. Dean’s cheek is resting on Cas’ so every noise Cas makes is directly in his ear.

Dean finds he’s immensely enjoying hearing these noises. He thinks hearing Cas speak would be even better. So, he slows the roll of his hips and locks eyes with Cas to ask him again.

“What else do you want?”

Cas smiles up at him like he knows he has the best answer. The confidence is hot, but also overwhelmingly endearing.

Dean is in no way prepared for what Cas says next.

“I want you, Dean. I want to have you in every possible way, in every possible place. I want to bury myself in you on the sand of every beach in heaven, feel you inside me on every mountaintop. I want to run my hands down your sides while you ride me. I want to taste you, run my tongue over every inch of your body. I want all of you, Dean, so very, very badly.”

“Shit, Cas,” is all Dean can say against Cas’ cheek. It’s almost too much. His hips are twitching on their own accord, his body desperately searching for friction. He vaguely thinks how much of a shame it is that they’re both fully clothed.

“And Dean?” Cas says breathily directly into his ear, which makes Dean moan and grind down just a bit harder. Fuck, he hopes Cas keeps talking. Wait, right, Cas wants him to respond.

“Hm?”

“What do _you_ want?”

Ah, perfect. There’s his opportunity. Dean leans back for a moment to look at his angel. He grabs Cas’ tie and tugs.

“I want to take your fucking clothes off.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! I wrote this after the finale because I just needed to get out SOMETHING to make myself feel better. It's canon that Dean and Cas are spending eternity in heaven together. It's canon. *screams into the void* I have like 3 other ideas for how this could go down, and I might write them one day. Focusing on some AU stuff for the moment, tho. 
> 
> Come talk to me at dunkindestieldonuts on tumblr!


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